i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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