I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
