I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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