Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
