Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
jump out the window naked night went bad
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
