i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
