When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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