just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
