her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
