god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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