Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
