nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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