Well douche your snatch and let's go!
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
