so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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