ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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