he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You made out with two different species that night
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
