3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
