Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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