i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
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I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
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Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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