I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
