his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I will pee on everything he values.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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