They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
