don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
