At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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