if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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