he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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