uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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