he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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