Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
