Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
