Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
