i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
