so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
