Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize