Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
