everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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