went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
