I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
