Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Drunk is not a location!
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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