I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
