He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize