i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
