I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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