windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
