D3 body, D1 cock
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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