And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
