Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize