I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
