im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
