How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
