Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
We don't watch enough power rangers
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
