Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
