i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
