the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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