Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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