So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
We don't watch enough power rangers
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
