fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
