it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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