I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
