nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
