well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
