you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
