My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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