We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
this hospital has no fireball
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
