Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
