Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
