Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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