He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
