It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
