32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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