Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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