bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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