I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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